"Just calm down" and why that really isn't a thing.

(edited from original post August, 2018)

 

Recently I have learned something about myself.

I've always known that I am a worry-wart. I've even jokingly called myself, and been called that, by others.  But it goes beyond that. For nearly 3 decades I have been battling with anxiety.

I'm not talking about the anxiety you may feel with a test coming up, or stress that comes with job loss, cancer diagnosis, or family crisis. No. Those things would make sense to cause anxiety.

The things that have caused me to feel anxious are much simpler, and when I would voice them out loud to you, you may even laugh and say "don't worry about that! That's no big deal!"

I wish it was that simple. Because for those who suffer with anxiety, it's not.

For years, I thought everyone got this anxious. I just figured they knew how to deal with it better than me and could brush it off. Unlike them, I tried to deal with it by suppressing emotions, putting my head down and charging through, or ruminating on it until the circumstance was past.  So, truthfully, not really "dealing."
 

I have done this for almost 30 years, simply because I thought it was normal. But the years of me dealing with it in this way caught up with me this past year in the form of depression.

This was scary, because depression was something that I thought would never happen to me. And that's what led me to finally doing something about it.

One thing that has been a stumbling block for me for so many years is that for me, a Christ-follower, a Redeemed Child of the King, shouldn't worry. I shouldn't be anxious. I mean, how many times does the Bible tell us not to?  But, it continued to be a constant struggle for me which led me to believe I was failing miserably in the Child of God department. And that in itself made me anxious. And so the cycle continued...

But what I am discovering now is that I CAN overcome anxiety. Well, not me, but Christ within me. In fact, He has already overcome it for me. But, although it has been overcome, it will still chase me. I believe that this is the 'thorn in my flesh.' The thing that will be there, at my back, trying to get me, trying to win me back. And it could. If I don't arm myself with Christ.  This thorn in the flesh is what will keep bringing me back to God. When pride may set in and make me think I can handle things on my own, this thorn will remind me I am nothing without Christ.

How I would love for this to be removed from me. This weight of anxiety that shadows all my life's circumstances.  But if in my anxiety I can be reminded that "God's got this" and it brings me to my knees in humility, then I'll embrace it.

Perhaps for you it is not anxiety.  Perhaps as you are reading this you are realizing for the first time just what that thorn in the flesh is for you.
 

This is not an excuse for sin. Or to keep on sinning when we know what our weakness is.  Rather, it's looking at a part of us that God is wanting to redeem. And it may take a daily going back to the cross. Releasing it to the only One who can truly carry it, and trusting Him to carry you, too.

 

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