The Intentional Life

Paul mentioned a few days ago how Christmas has a different feel to it.  I have pondered over that comment for the last few days.  I never asked him to clarify, but wondered if he was disappointed that it was different, or was it just an observation? Tonight I asked him about it.  I guess we came to the same conclusion. Christmas doesn't have the same excitement and expectation as it used to.  When we were younger as soon as Thanksgiving was past we were eagerly awaiting Christmas and all the magic and gifts that it held. I guess the feeling is a little different now that we are older.  But I think that is OK. Becuase I have found over this past month that I still have been eager with anticipation.  I have been eager to share Christmas with my kiddos - both the big ones and the little ones.  My own kids know the Christmas story better than some of residents do.  I have enjoyed sharing the Christmas story with them, helping them to see t...

When we first got married I started collecting a nativity set.  It was fragile and certainly one I wouldn't want children playing with.  Even now, with three little kids in our house, I put the nativity set up high on a shelf so it won't get messed with and broke. Isn't there something wrong with this scenario? Until this year it didn't occur to me that there was. But as I was getting the nativity set out this year, showing each of the figurines to our kids, telling them what each was about, telling them to be careful and not brake anything, then placing Jesus high up on a shelf, I realized that I was going about this all wrong. Jesus came and lived among us.  He came to our dirty, filthy lives.  The nit and grit of the everyday.  He walked beside the sinners, the hurting and blind, and ate meals with them,too.  He didn't come so he could be placed at a distance, to look at and remember from time to time. How often do we put Jesus on a shelf?...

 This weekend we got to spend the weekend with Paul's side of the family:  his parents, his two brothers, their wives, and our two nieces (more on the festivities later).  The picture above is of my youngest niece, Morgan, who is 6 months old (give or take a few days).  This weekend Morgan reminded me of some important bits of wisdom.  I had the privilege of rocking her to sleep not once, but twice, this weekend.  Swoony. It was so so sweet.  As I was standing, swaying, and humming her to sleep I had a few thoughts go through my head: " Who ever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child cannot enter in the kingdom of heaven." As I looked at her sweet face I thought of how I really did not cherish the times I was trying in vain to get my own children to go to sleep.  I was always frustrated, impatient, and upset that I was spending time in a room all alone, save for a screaming infant.  But now that my own children are now past...

Sometimes life doesn't really go as planned. I didn't really have to say that - you know.  i know it. But sometimes acknowledging it makes me feel a little better about the fact that life doesn't really go as planned.  For some reason i so often think it's supposed to.  Even if life continues to prove otherwise. This week started with some much anticipated time off .  We were on duty for 9 days - 6 of those without school (thank you Thanksgiving vacation!).  But things went, for the most part, smoothly, and we were headed into the week faced with a few days to not have to worry about anything but our own children and whether i should changed out of my pj's before or after breakfast lunch. The original plan was for me to spend all of Monday helping my mom make Christmas candies.  Something i was really looking forward to.  Alas, not to be. Tuesday night we were supposed to spend the evening with my parents (sans children) at a fancy restaura...

God does funny things. He can take those things that make us the most uncomfortable and those things that make us shake our head and say " no way, uh uh, that is not going to be me " and He can plunk us right down in the middle of it. I disliked high school .  When one mentions high school I get sweaty palms and my breathing speeds up and scary images of awkwardness come to mind.  Don't get me wrong, there were high points. I did marry my high school sweetheart after all. But there were enough of those scary awkward moments that when I finally got out of high school I told myself I am not going back, no way, no how.  I told myself that I cannot be around teenagers.  Because they kinda freak me out.  I always felt like I needed to impress them.  Even when I was years out of high school, I still felt the pull to impress the present day teenagers.  those 'cool' people.  Always hoping that they thought I was 'cool' too. But then God said, '...

Paul.   I really caught myself quite the catch when I married him.   Paul is selfless and humble in every sense of the word. And for the last year has been working like crazy to complete his Masters Degree. And I bet some of you didn’t even know that, and if you did, it’s only because I was the one who told you. Let me paint the picture for you:   Last November Paul enrolled in a Graduate’s Program to obtain his Master’s in Education.   This has been something that he has wanted to do for the last 10 years and he finally was able to make it reality.   So, for the last year, with a fulltime job, demanding wife, and 3 children under 4, Paul worked away at achieving that degree. There were many late nights and hundreds of sighs but the last long haul came in mid-August when school started.   Paul started his student teaching .   Which means he: Got up every morning at 5 AM to do lesson plans and get to school early Taught 6 high school math class...

...great things He has done! I didn't want it to get too far past the day of Paul and I's half-marathon race to give God the praise! Every mile of the race I was thinking of and praising my Creator. He has blessed me with two healthy legs and a healthy body that can be propelled for 13.1 miles. Thank you, Lord, for seeing me through this training season and through the race today. To You, my Lord, be all glory given! (i didn't get much for pictures...Ben (our faithful supporter and spectator) I'm looking to you for that one!)

Five years ago today I became a mommy. A whole new adventure as many of you can relate to. Today we celebrated Owen turning 5 years old. He has waited SOOO long for this day. I think he has been talking about turning 5 for at least 6 months. We were so glad to have both sets of grandparents and my brother Sam be able to join us for supper and cake afterwards. Altogether there were 16 of us around the dinner table. I've been having this thought rolling around in my head lately about these teenagers that we serve here at Gateway. Sometimes I get stuck in the thought that this is my job and that my actual life occurs on the 9 days off I have each month. But I've been reconsidering what my life really consists of. I believe that living at Gateway IS my life. Whew. I said it. That sounds kinda big. But I believe that my family life currently consists of 3 toddlers and 5 teenagers and a wonderful husband. When I start looking at these kids as more than 'residents' so...

How could this ridiculously adorable face bring me such frustration? Very easily. She is very good at it. My struggle lately has been with Madeline. I don't know if she is teething or not getting good sleep at night or feeling neglected or any number of things that the mommy guilt is telling me I am doing wrong, but some days all I can do is sit and have a good cry. It truly does seem like 80% of Maddie's day involves her crying, screaming, or hanging onto my leg. I have been struggling with my anger and I feel some days that my tolerance is so short. I find it hard to put into words exactly how I am feeling because it feels so awful to say these things about one of my children. I have to constantly remind myself that God treasures little children, and even asks us to be like them (not the screaming kind, mind you). I need to remember that God has entrusted this child in my care because He wants me to bring Madeline up to know Him so that He would be glorified through her l...

Love your enemies! Pray for them that persecute you... If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Matthew 5:44,46+47 A minister at our church just finished up a 7-Sunday sermon on Matthew chapter 5. It was so convicting. This last sermon was on the last few verses in chapter 5 and I've put the ones that have convicted me the most at the top of the blog post here. Yeah, I've heard all about loving my enemies and praying for those who persecute me. I've always envisioned that as those faceless people who hate Christians who need Jesus just as much as me. Those people I have never met but I am praying for them anyways. However, this sermon pointed my thoughts in a different direction. It pointed out those unpleasant people in my life. Those people I would just rather avoid because they make me uncomfortable. Or they grate on my nerves just a bit too much. These vers...

This morning we said goodbye to some very dear friends that we have gotten to know over the last 5 years. Nathan and Rachel Mueller, and their four children, packed up their belongings and moved north to Michigan where they will be attending school to be trained to be missionaries. Their plan is to go live in the remotest parts of the world and bring the gospel story to those who have never heard of Jesus. Although this is a few years off, we are sad to have them leave even though they are currently only a state away. I cry for my kids who have become great friends with the Mueller children. Kaine and Owen are only 9 months apart, Halle and Hannah only 6 weeks, and Layla and Maddie 2 months apart. Although they are not nearly as torn up as I am over the Mueller's leaving, I am sad for them and their friendship that will now have to be carried on from a distance. We hope to have our kids be their prayer warriors, each praying specifically for the Mueller kid who...

i need to get off and take a nap... Well, we are 6 weeks into this fulltime gig at Gateway (and 5 of those have been summer, mind you!) and i would like to go somewhere and take a nap for an entire day. But alas, that is not going to happen so.... I'll just post some pictures and update you on life. We are all moved into our little apartment that is attached to the main house. I like the coziness of it and the fact that we have our own stuff and a private place to retreat while we are on duty (something we did not have while being alternates). Our kids are loving living on campus and being able to be out in the big house with the residents. Days start here shortly after 6 as either Paul or I get up to go run (we're training for a 1/2 marathon, we've got to fit it in somewhere..). Then we get our kids up and ready for the day before greeting residents at 9:10 for breakfast. After dishes are done, the residents and Paul head...

Tonight we spend our last night here at our home in Grabill, IN. This house, which really doesn't belong to us (thanks employer Gateway Woods!), but has felt like it has for the last 2 years. When we moved into this house Owen was just over 2 and Hannah wasn't even a year. Now we are moving out with an almost 5 year old, 3 year old, and another addition - Maddie the 1 year old. This house has seen our joy and our frustration (both with family life and the job of houseparenting that we try our best at doing right). And now I am shedding a few tears (you know i am emotional!) as we say good-bye to the end of what we know and step into a new role that we are only slightly sure of. I am a mix of emotions at this point in time: apprehension, excitement, sadness, exhaustion - and i am not sure which one dominates over the other. I guess i just wanted to record this feeling(s) so i could look back on it and remember what an incredible time of transition this was and that I can ...

This year Hannah gets to share her birthday with my favorite holiday. Hannah actually celebrated her birthday 3 different times before this actual day that i don't really think she realized today was the actual day. However, i didn't want the day to go by with acknowledging the celebration of her birth. Hannah is boundless energy - she is constantly hopping. She is affectionate - she tells us many times a day "i love my mommy/daddy/Owen/Mads" And although she can drive us mad with her whining (we're still working on that) she makes us smile and laugh many times a day. Hannah, we love you and are so glad you are a part of our family! And to not overlook the whole reason we are able to celebrate - Thank you Jesus that you were willing to come to this earth, die on the cross, and rise from the dead to conquer sin and hell and death so that we can celebrate birthdays and look forward to heaven someday!

Well, we have become content with our crazy life as it is: raising three children under the age of 4, packing every few days to go live on campus at Gateway, working with delinquent teens (sometime as much as 7 at a time), getting Paul through college to get his Master's, doing our best to glorify God in our day to day lives. Ah, but I have found that although God calls us to contentment, once we find that place, He often calls us beyond it to stretch us some more. And so, Paul and I are taking on the challenge of fulltime houseparenting at Gateway. How does that differ from what we are doing now? Well, right now we live in a little house a few miles off campus and support the fulltime houseparents (Jarod and Molly Steffen) by running the house while they take their 9 days a month off, running doctor appointments, helping with treatment plan decisions, keeping the food room stocked, doing general maintenance around Cypress House and on campus, and completing other various thing...

We were talking the other evening at the dinner table about loving our enemies and doing good to those that hurt us. Owen spoke up and said he has a list of rules that he is going to give to the bad guys when they show up at our house. He wanted me to write them down for him: 1 - Be kind 2 - Don't lie 3 - Don't steal 4 - Don't fight 5 - Don't do bad things 6 - Really don't to bad things 7 - Done Pretty convincing, right? I guess some of the things we are teaching are sinking in.

On February 1st our little Madeline turns one years old! Maddie has been a sweet addition to our family of five. From the beginning she has displayed a laid-back personality, loving to be snuggled or just sit on our laps, and enjoying watching Owen and Hannah play around her. (I am so thankful that this has been her attitude, it helps immensely with our life at Gateway.) As this will most likely be our last baby, I have tried to cherish every wonderful and frustrating moment the first year of life may bring. It's hard to believe a year has gone by already! We love you, Madeline, and we are so glad that God gave you to us to raise up to know Him and to bring Him glory through the life you live! Happy Birthday!