what I crave

In the car, early morning, sun just rising over the horizon.  Coffee in one hand, hoping for it to warm up my insides a bit.  Two children in the back seat, ready for a day of school.  School that has been a rarity this winter.

Despite the sweet voices coming from the back seat, the new day dawning, and the fragrant coffee, I still feel dark.  Don't know why this cloud keeps following me around.  I don't want it.  I haven't asked it to stay.

But stay it does.

As I stare through the windshield a song comes on the radio.  The words catch me and I turn it up:

Hope sleeps without me
Her sweet dreams surround me,
But I'm left out
I'll need a fix now
To believe, to feel

These rooms are dark now
These halls are hollow,
And so am I
She is hard to find now
To believe
To see

I won't turn to dust now
Let these tears rust now on my face
Give me the spark now
To believe
To see

                                  Hope is what we crave, and that will never change
                                                               So I stand and wait
                                                I need a drop of grace to carry me today,
                                                              A simple song to say
                                                            It's written on my soul:
                                                             Hope's what we crave

"Crave" For King and Country

Hope.  Oh, I want to hope.  But I am scared.  I feel the stretch between pessimism and optimism.  Hoping for things to improve but kinda, sorta feeling like the next hammer is going to fall any minute.

But I feel inclined to hope, like I am tentatively walking out on a shaky bridge.  Taking one little baby step at a time.  Each time my foot moves forward, pausing for a moment to see if the bridge will hold.

A bit of hope sparks, my spirits rise a little, each time the bridge holds true.

But what if it breaks?  What if, the small hopes I have begun to build up, come crashing back down?

Again.

Well, then, I'm going to need Someone to save me.  To rescue me from that fall. And thankfully I have a Savior who said He would do just that.

So today, despite my pessimistic friend sitting on my shoulder, I will dare to hope.  Even if it's just a little.

Because I do believe my soul craves hope. Needs it to keep moving forward each day.





And, as I continue to remind myself, the hopes of this life are temporary, fleeting.  But hope in my Savior?  Now that will last, and nothing can take that away.

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, 

because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  

perseverance, character; and character, hope. 

 And hope does not put us to shame, 

because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts 

through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. 

Romans 5:3-5