The Intentional Life

When a new year comes around I like to look back and reflect over the past 12 months.  Here is a selection from each month, a sort of highlight of the last year of the Suvar's ( you can cli ck on the months to read each full post) .  God shows his faithfulness throughout it all - all praise goes to Him!   January  So many of my regrets come from my REactions.  Many of my victories stem from thoughtful actions.  I am challenging myself to put this into practice with my own 3 little ones.  I often react in impatience, frustration, anger.  I would like to instead act with patience, long-suffering, and love. I want my kids to remember me as their mom who, instead of griping in anger about what they did wrong, speaks to them with gentleness, helping them to see what they did wrong, and what they can do better. That probably sounds all idealistic and a little bit like kum-by-ya, but I think putting it into practice will reap rewards. ...

Whew!  Well, this month I've been all over the place on my emotional roller coaster.  Thankful for a steady husband, praying friends, and a gracious, patient God. A little bit of December in review:  Christmas with the Suvar's  The first snow of the season  Candle lighting at Mr. Fritz's  Seeing my doll house from 20 years ago being played with again - thanks Dad!  Making Christmas cookies....  ...and the aftermath  Steffen Christmas - all the cousins  Our sad attempt at a family photo...sigh  Sisters and mom  Our traditional Christmas picnic in the living room  What Owen bought me for Christmas with his own money  Thankfully he loves to shovel snow...and he does a good job!  Cypress House Christmas  LOVED the snow we have gotten this last week of December!

Today our Christmas was spent at home. All our celebrating with our families happened earlier this month, so on a day when we are used to being somewhere else, we spent it in the coziness of our own home. Along with a couple extra teenage boys. Christmas on duty at Gateway.  I'm just never sure how it is going to go.  There are fewer kids in the house because some of them get day passes with their families, so the atmosphere is a bit more relaxed.  But that means the ones that are here do not get to spend it with their family. Or may not even have a family to spend it with. So, we are that family for them today.  It started with stockings and cinnamon rolls.  I cleaned the bathroom and did several loads of laundry.  Some Slavic nut break was made.  A birthday cake for Jesus as well. And even as I type, I hear Paul having a conversation with the boys about Jesus, free will, and His gift of salvation. "Wait, hold up, hold up, you mean doi...

There is something that we are not doing this year. We are not sending out a Christmas picture. We are not going online and picking out a style, picking out a picture, picking out a font. We are not putting money out to order pictures and then pay for postage. It is going against my nature, because, well, I like pictures.   I like taking them, sending them.   And I really like getting them in the mail!   But it has been laid upon our hearts to do something different this year with the money that would have originally been used to send out Christmas pictures. We bought a goat. Not for us. But for some family whom we will never meet.   Someone who is in need of a goat for sustenance and income. So instead of a picture in the mail with a happy holiday greeting, you get this email update.   Who knows, I may go back to doing a picture again next year.   We may sacrifice something instead else to buy that goat. But this year the sacri...

I've never done a link up before, but after following this one for a few months, I think I finally have something to post! After several days of wonky emotions, the sun broke through and I found renewed hope and energy. It may have had something to do with it being Monday - a new week.....and residents back in school. It could have had to do with this girl and her insistence to wear this dress, a flower girl dress from 2 years ago (yes, we went out in public, and it was so much fun!) But I believe that the credit goes to prayer.  Someone(s) was praying for me and I thank you.  Never underestimate the power of prayer.

I don't have a whole lot more in my tank today, but I felt compelled to sit down and get this off my chest. Truthfully, I have been struggling lately.  There are many different facets to what is causing it.  To protect certain others, I won't go into detail.  Just at a low point right now.  We'll put it at that. But it's Christmas! That time of year with sparkly lights and anticipation and warm gatherings of family and friends! Which is partly why I feel guilty struggling the way I am.  Aren't I supposed to be joyful right now?  In this most joyful time of year? I try to conjure up some Christmas joy, but often it fizzles out with a conflict or a blowup or one more thing that pulls me away from my children. I feel weak.   I feel small. I feel inadequate. My favorite Christmas song is O Holy Night and I can sing that puppy by heart.  I especially love that last verse. But tonight I heard the words in the second vers...

It has not been the most stellar of weeks. Blowups, meetings, hard attitudes, new kids in the house. Exhaustion. But my focus shifted when shortly after lunch today I heard about the shootings in Connecticut.  I got chills through my whole body and tears started streaming down my face. I found my two daughters in the next room and hugged them tight.  I waited in anticipation for the next 2 hours for my son to return home from school. From Kindergarten. There are mommies and daddies tonight who are not going to get to snuggle their children into bed tonight because of the tragedy that happened at that elementary school this morning. My heart aches for those families of those that died today. And in the grand scheme of things, with as stressful and tiring my week has been, I still got to tuck my children into bed tonight. We are not promised tomorrow.  None of us are.  But we have this moment.  And I need to make the most of each moment. Wi...

After my downer post last week, I thought I should follow it up with a bit of an upper. It's so very hard to see a kid leave without finishing their treatment program.  We see so many things left undone, unaccomplished. But it can be so very uplifting to see a kid stick it out, face the hard stuff, and complete their treatment. And last Friday we had one of those in our house.  Two days after seeing a sad end to one placement, we saw a joyful ending of another. Now, in no way is this kid's life "fixed."  We aren't in the business of fixing. But we are in the business of leading by example.  Shining a light.  Turning lives in a new direction. I believe what made this placement work was this kid's action of turning his life over to Christ.  Because, well, THAT is where the fixing starts. I don't know if this particular kid will ever read this, but in case he does, I want him to know that when he left this place, he took a part of our hearts ...

It's been awhile since I've posted.  It's not for lack of ideas. I've actually had quite a few things going through my head with this season of thanks and celebration upon us.  I've just usually gave into exhaustion and a cup of tea at the end of the day instead of typing it all out. But what has spurred me on to type tonight has my heart all twisted up.  My emotions on the brink of spilling out. We've had some ups and downs this fall with the different kids coming through our door.  We've gotten 4 new residents in the last 2 months. Each has come with their own baggage.  Their own challenges.  Their own demons. But tomorrow we have to say good-bye.  Good-bye to the kid who sees the Truth laid out in front of him but yet chooses a different path. The kid who is 14 but inwardly feels about 8. The kid who never really knew what it was like to have a mother love him unconditionally.  Who placed his needs above her own.  Who had...

I don't know too many people personally that have gone to war for me. Although I do have some family members who have served in the armed forces. Cousins. Uncles. Grandpa. My dad. I think that is that one that strikes me the most.  Even though my dad didn't know me yet as he signed up to go fight a war. To leave family and security behind. To trade it for nightmarish reminders and medical affliction that still plague him today. I don't know all the reasons behind why he signed up.  But I believe he was wanting to see freedom for others who did not have it.  Freedom that he enjoyed here in America. He went, along with many, many others to fight a controversial war. I don't know many details.  As one could guess, my dad doesn't share too many of the stories of his time oversees in uniform.  But that's OK.  I've seen him suffer physically over the last 20+ years to know that all things were not pleasant. My dad was exposed to disease an...

And just like that.....we are in November. October has been a month of lessons learned on love. What does the Love of God look like in our lives? How are we showing this to those around us? So often I fall into the pit of believing that I can show other's God's love on my own strength and will.  I try it and I find myself exhausted and wrung out and sitting in my closet, crying on the floor. You might think I am exaggerating.....I'm not. But God, in His patience and mercy, shows me how I am not capable of this.  It is only when I allow Him to work through me that other can start seeing God's love in my life.  Then it is not MY love being poured out to others....it is HIS love filling me up, overflowing into the lives of those that surround me. So let my life be the proof, The proof of Your love Let my love look like You and what You're made of How You lived, how You died Love is sacrifice So let my life be the proof, The proof of Your love  ...