The Intentional Life

      Relationships. I feel like I have been having this conversation with our children quite a bit lately.  First, they come to me with the complaint that So-and-so is treating them a certain way and So-and-so needs to change and it's all So-and-so's fault. I do my best to listen, hear them out.  Seek to understand. Ask questions to lead to understand...on both sides. And then, eventually it comes back to the phrase, "Well, you cannot change So-and-so. Their behavior is up to them. And it is up to YOU to decide how YOU will handle YOU." I tell this to my kids....but I often need to stand in front of a mirror and tell it to myself. We can point fingers. We can blame it all on the other person. Maybe we are completely blameless in a certain situation. However, we still have a choice how we will decide to behave. I recently came across an article by Dr Gary Chapman, and he had some great points to think on. I'll pa...

Home. It's that time of year. School is back in session….kinda. Even through it may look different from every other school year that we know of, there is still school happening (praise the Lord!) in one form or another. And with our Covid-style school starting up, the lazy days of summer are diminishing and the hustle of routine and obligations is upon us. I love routine, I often crave it. But I know with school starting, chaos seems to reign despite the routines that are in place. When I start to feel like everything is "noise" - kids, making meals, helping with homework, doing laundry, making sure the kids get where they need to be, etc - then I feel the need to be able to "quiet" at least one thing in my life. A few years ago I came across a blog artice by The Nester that talked about quieting the house. I instantly felt this was talking to me and jumped in immediately. I've done it every once in awhile since then. Often at the start of the ...

  It was a random Wednesday night. My husband had of course fallen asleep in about 3 minutes and I was lying there, listening to his breathing, wishing I too could fall asleep that easily. As I lay there wishing, a sense of melancholy came over me. And, as is my nature, I follow that emotion and try to figure out where the root originated. And so, my mind began to think back through the day. As it did, I started to take note of everything I didn’t get done. I didn’t get the kitchen cleaned up and decluttered like I had wanted to. I did zero work on that book I dream of publishing some day. I made no sales in my online business. I didn’t get any exercise in. At my offie job I did many things, but nothing that felt like it really made a difference in anyone’s world. Basically, I felt like I didn’t move the ball forward on anything.   I eventually fell asleep, somewhere in the middle of my rumination on my failures. And, with the unfinished business in my mind, it greeted me the ...

  Heart. This past summer our family hiked up to the top of a mesa in New Mexico. The air was warm, the sun was hot, the sky was a gorgeous aqua blue, and occasionally a soft breeze would come along. Being in the desert, there wasn’t a lot of tall trees or flowers growing. But, there were a lot of juniper bushes, cacti, and sage brush. As we hiked, often the sage brush would grow close to the trail and our bodies would brush up against it as we moved past. When we hike as a family, I often take the rear. My husband leads the train, and I keep an eye out on the troop as the caboose. Being in this formation, I was in the prime spot for a beautiful metaphor. As my family hiked past the sage brush they stirred up the scent. So much so, that by the time I came walking through, the air was filled with the earthy, herby scent of sage. In a stark desert landscape, it was a beautiful reprieve. It made me think of how we live our lives, and how we “brush up” against others. Wh...

  This past week I had the conversation about how it is so hard for me to just sit. I enjoy the feeling of being productive, of doing. If there is something fun I would like to do, I often tell myself I can do it as a reward once ALL the other things are done. But here's the rub. The things are never done. And so often my "reward" is never gotten to. It was interesting to hear from others who are similar to my bent, some even more so. And I was fascinated with those who could set aside work to play without a feeling of guilt. I feel like we could have a balance of both in our lives.  For me, realizing that I don't have to have ALL the household chores done before I reward myself with 30 minutes with a good book. For others it may be seeing the benefit of completing a list before going off to do the fun thing....at least every once in a while. I think a good reason why we need to bring a little bit of both into our lives is because there is most likely a yo...

 Dear Child,  You are a treasured child of the King.  The world is going to tell you that you are going to lose, but take heart - THEY DON'T KNOW THE RULES. Don't take it personally when some kid makes fun of your mismatched-on-purpose clothing choices or the stuffed animal that you brought in for show-in-tell or calls you some name that brings tears to your eyes.  They only call you that to make their own selves feel better.  There is something about you that threatens them.  And by calling you out on your 'lameness' somehow makes them feel like you are back to their level. I want you, dear child, to be sure of yourself, knowing God has created you as a unique individual, with unique qualities and tastes.  The best person you can be is YOU, not an imitation of someone else. People's valuation of you should not matter, only God's valuation of you should.  Measure yourself by His ruler, by His Word, not by the measuring stick of your peers....

"Mom, can we go frisbee golfing?" In my head, my first thought is, "No, I'd rather not go out in 95 degree heat and toss a frisbee at targets for 2 hours." I'd gladly read a book in the shade, go for a hike, take a nap, or go for a cup of coffee. But frisbee golf? But, when your 13 year old asks to do something WITH you, it's best to jump on that train because you don't know when it will pass by again. So, we went frisbee golfing. And though it did end up being fun, the most joy was seeing my son doing something he enjoys and being a part of it. It's life-giving to the relationship. I see this play out big time in other areas as well when it comes to our kids. I pretty much take life seriously and don't slow down to have fun a whole lot. But setting aside my own interests, and taking up one of my child's instead, always proves fruitful. When I'm tempted to groan and maybe even sigh at the one hundredth conversation about ...